Things you should be aware of on a construction job site…
– Stay out of The Road.
-Be prepared to have something to complain about at any given point. If not, make something up. Weather, finances, girlfriends, vehicles, the f’ing politicians, and the economy are good candidates. Mexican immigrants are an ideal fall-back. Worse case scenario: a long, guttural sigh with a mournful scratch of the neck suffices.
– Diss foremen, coworkers, tools, and situations, but speak in respectful, almost-hushed tones of The Road. A good eye widening is advisable.
– Be prepared to comment on the scenery of different job sites and/or driving routes.
– Scenery does not = trees.
– College towns on hot days makes “f’ing sweet” scenery.
– Even if you never take a lunch break, your boss will find an excuse to accuse you of having your hands in your pockets.
– Beware of people who use your first name. They are trying to manipulate you into getting them something, or against someone.
– If someone talks about some sweet videos he brought home, he isn’t talking about cinema…or anything you can find at your local Blockbuster, for that matter.
– No matter how many stories you hear about the management’s drinking habits, they are best not alluded to face-to-face.
– Network on the sly with other companies and workers. This gives you a fall-back if you’re ever let go (or worse), and gives you leverage when it comes time to talk about wages.
– Taking out the trash wins points.
– Asking for more money loses all of said points.
– Do not mention that you went to college.
– Even worse, don’t mention that you actually graduated from college. This is important for both your standing and your own self-esteem.
– Listen to either hard rock or country. Nothing in between. Do not, REPEAT, Do not be caught dead listening to NPR. Sidenote: remember, the ability to sing every line of a commercial is more valued than the ability to talk about politics, history, or literature
– If you are caught listening to the wrong station, accuse a rival of playing a horrid, g-dawful joke on you, damn his scurvy hide!
-When people talk about playing music, they mean they get together with the neighbor’s kids and play Guitar Hero and drink beer.
– When They Say that the job will reap a good reward, they mean they will keep you at the lowest possible wage that They can until They give the higher paying job to someone they are related to or went to pong parties in highschool with…
– When your coworker wants to talk about gardening, he ain’t growing carrots and parsley.
– If you have long hair and if you are laid back, you will be asked the share the “good stuff” on a daily basis. No amount of conversation will ever change this assumption. They Know the real reason for your calm in the face of stress.
– Use of the f’word is mandatory.
– And the s’word.
– And a lot of other words.
-These words can be used as verbs, nouns, adjectives, prepositions, and a whole lot of brand-new utilization of communication you don’t quite know how to classify.
– If people tell you to come over and bring a shovel with you, you’re going to dig their sewer line while they supervise. But don’t get in Their Road.